Sunday, October 06, 2013

Coming Out

Lately, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the future and occupationally, where I'm headed.  The real answer is that I don't know.  I know that I officially burned out on education for the time being, and although I am right in the middle of it, my job is desk work and analysis, without too much responsibility or contact with kids, and that's exactly what I need right now.  I just found out I'm going to teach one class of English Learners, beginning in two weeks.  This has brought up a lot of emotions for me, due to my previous experiences with teaching.  Thankfully, I have a good therapist, and have been able to process those negative, traumatic teaching moments, and can look back on the more recent successful times as a resource going back in.

To further illustrate the level of my burnout, I was recently invited to a Teachers for Social Justice conference happening here in SF, which I declined.  It's not that I think T4SJ is not valuable, or that I think I know everything about the topic, or that I can't improve, it's that I know that it's important, that it's not happening, and that I don't have the time or energy to make it happen, anywhere other than in my small classroom of 5-7 kids.  The call to action at the conference will be to spread the word, and enact the practices.  Not now, not for me.  I leave the activism to young, energetic educators, who can make it happen.  I'll do what I can, and make sure to cheer you on from here.

I will be at the crossroads soon, and when it comes, I'll show up and see what happens.  Until then, I'll be here.

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