Sunday, May 06, 2012

Update

Here I am, many months later.  At the beginning of the school year, I told myself I would take until March to decide if wanted to continue in my school administration job.  I made adjustments to my work habits, resigned from my baking gig, started paring back any extra things I'd signed on for, stopped drinking so much damn coffee, and asked for help in all kinds of ways:  Started meditating and studying Buddhism; saw a career coach; met with a someone to assist with my administration job; asked advice from family and friends.  Through all of this I came to a lot of clarity around my life - what I could live with, what I couldn't.  I discovered what  kinds of careers and work environments I might have more peace in, and forgave myself for not being a person who was able to [fill in the blanks here]. 

So anyway, I resigned from my job in March, giving my employers enough time to find a good person to replace me, and also to allow myself enough time to find a job I wanted to do, and would allow me focus on the things in my personal life that are needing attention.  I've had a couple months to ruminate on it, to make sure that it's what I want to do, and was given several opportunities to change my mind.  I am sure.  More than sure. 

Last Friday, I had to tell my staff at the site where I keep my office.  It was difficult for me, and I felt like I was really disappointing them.  Even though I felt this way, I know that I won't let them down, and that I will continue to support them and our work, though in a position with much less intensity.  I am fully engaged in my work with students, and it is time to switch focus to my relationship with my own children.
So here are some things that I want to do, now that my mind and emotions will be freed up to explore:
  1. Slow the *bleep* down.  Stop taking on more than I can handle.  Focus on a few important activities that support the life I want for myself and my family.
  2. Simplify.  Clear out the clutter:  House, mind, garage.
  3. Be present.  Do one thing at a time, not ten.  Stop what I'm doing to listen to my kids when they want to tell me something.
  4. Enjoy art.  Films, museums, life, books.  Take my daughter to the places I love.  She is a talented artist.
  5. Learn a skill or two really well:  French, mediation.
I've been keeping this blog since 2004 or '05, and I'd like to continue it, because it seems like a good place to keep track of things.  

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