Saturday, May 12, 2012

Steps

Recursive thoughts don't fill up my mind as much as they used to.  It takes me far less time to come to a resolution about things without over-thinking, replaying, etc. 

Last week, with the bad news I had initial panic.  Then I talked to folks and was able to verbalize what about it was uncomfortable.  I had few sleepless nights related to homelessness and being poor and having to move and not having options, but then out of that I was able to see the situation more clearly,  "This might be the 'kick in the pants' I need."  In order to move past the fear, I had to believe that I was good at my work and capable of finding other equally rewarding positions.  I received a good amount of positive feedback this last week, and I thought to myself, "If all these people I admire and respect think I'm good at my work, isn't it interesting that I don't believe that myself?"  It helped something shift.

Anyway, throughout the week, which was difficult on a lot of levels (hormonally, vocationally, relationally), I somehow came to have clarity around the situation:  I don't have to choose work I don't want to do.  I can take this opportunity to find another place to expand my influence, and I don't have to kill myself doing it.  There are options, and even if I have to work three jobs, and even if one of them is in a service industry, we will survive, and I will enjoy the diversity of the week and the time it allows me to be present with my family and friends.

In approaching change this time, I have more resources available and I am more aware.  This will allow me to not drive everyone mad while moving through the transition.

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