Slept seven hours and was woken up by what sounded like a plane landing continuously behind the house. I opened the window and could hear the waves crashing on the beach, super-loud. It's going to be hot today. The window is still open; the wind has switched, and although I can hear the waves, they aren't as loud anymore. It's dark still, which I love.
I think I might be going through a mid-life crisis. Which is fine. I guess.
Used to think we were all individuals, driven by a variety of passions due to some external forces or magic (for lack of a better word) that makes us do what we do. Now I understand that I'm just a bundle of psychological, biological, electrical impulses connected to my DNA, hormones, experiences. And while this takes some of the pressure off, it's also a little depressing. There are a lot of distractions, which now appear to me as clutter that bothers me - a mislaid book, clothes I don't like or wear anymore, an old habit, memories. It seems important, at this point, to channel this awareness at something spiritual and positive or I could get myself into trouble.
I think we all end up the same in the end.