Thursday, March 31, 2011

Waves

Slept seven hours and was woken up by what sounded like a plane landing continuously behind the house.  I opened the window and could hear the waves crashing on the beach, super-loud.  It's going to be hot today.  The window is still open; the wind has switched, and although I can hear the waves, they aren't as loud anymore.  It's dark still, which I love.

I think I might be going through a mid-life crisis.  Which is fine.  I guess.

Used to think we were all individuals, driven by a variety of passions due to some external forces or magic (for lack of a better word) that makes us do what we do.  Now I understand that I'm just a bundle of psychological, biological, electrical impulses connected to my DNA, hormones, experiences.  And while this takes some of the pressure off, it's also a little depressing.  There are a lot of distractions, which now appear to me as clutter that bothers me - a mislaid book, clothes I don't like or wear anymore, an old habit, memories.  It seems important, at this point, to channel this awareness at something spiritual and positive or I could get myself into trouble. 

I think we all end up the same in the end.

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