Officially finished beating myself up about being so indecisive. Ordinarily, I make a decision and I stick with it, reminding myself of why I made it in the first place. This time, after making each of the various decisions I've made, neither has seemed right, for one reason or another.
I suppose it's because we're really settling down, finally choosing the place we mostly want our kids to be raised. That's a big decision, with a lot of factors. Along with all the wonderful things we want to be available to Ikey and Bea, it's important that they have happy parents. It seems strange for us to feel so uncertain about where we want to live at ages 38/42, but I see today that it's okay. Bryan and I came to the parenting thing later in life, probably not as late as some and not as early as others, and we're going through the same things our parents went through when we were young. Bryan's parents traveled every summer and stayed with their in-laws during the trips. My parents took me on a trip around the U.S. when I was 2-ish and settled in to San Mateo for a few years before moving us to San Jose. After a few short stays, we all eventually put down roots.
Mostly, I think it's just hard to make a big decision, fearing that it might be the wrong one. But as a friend, P most recently wrote to me, "Whatever the final decision it's all an adventure trip that is cool and magical and brave and mysterious. Love it."